Absolutely

I'm sitting in the same clothes I wore exactly one year ago, at this very moment.

Minus shoes, socks, and intoxication. In a different house. Hair styled differently. And oddly, wearing different hair bands from a different film set.

Since last year... so much has changed. I am one month away from my life becoming something else. Something completely new. Something... unknown. That's the part that makes me a little nervous. Not that I don't have a place to live yet. Not that I don't have a job yet. Not that I don't know more than two people in the entire city. It's that I don't know the city. I won't know the best way to drive there. That's what I'm most... anxious about - the driving. The way the city is different than the suburbs. It took me a while to become comfortable in downtown Otown. This is different. A real city.

(On a live moment comment, I'm shaming myself for fast-forwarding through some of today's stage. But 5 hours of racing to watch... I'll be up until 3 am!!! With work at 8... yeah... I'm ffwding. Shame shame shame. OH! And that whole thing with Contador attacking on Andy Schleck's mechanical difficulty!!!! Talk about SHAME!)

This night, okay tomorrow night, really marks my last own personal anniversary memories. Yes, I will be sleeping in these clothes, and wearing them under my scrubs at work - don't judge - tomorrow. I'm going to bury the whole Samson thing officially.

I've been talking to Mary more and more about this because of all the guys I've been seeing and how I compare them to Samson. They don't. But that's because I know what I want. Yes, I've been having fun with them, but I know what it's like to have a man be into you. I know what it feels like to really like someone. And I'd never experienced that before last year. And the more I think about it, the more I realize it. And I realize how much I've matured on a recognition of my romantic feelings for someone. Did that make any sense to anyone other than me?

I was seeing four guys up until recently. I'm done for now. And I've realized, none of them were men. Brandon was probably the closest, but we didn't really like each other that much.

I want to date one MAN. Man being the key word. And no point in dating anyone here anymore. I'm just going to enjoy my friends. Not that I'm going to quit trying to meet people in NOLA. I've changed my dating profile to show that I live in NOLA. I've had more guys from there interested in me than I've had in Orlando recently. Not that I don't have guys interested here...

But then again, would a REAL MAN really need to be on a dating site. At least I can use it to meet new people. But maybe I'll meet someone and date them a few times and get into their group and meet the actual guy I'm supposed to be with. You are more likely to marry within your social group, friends of friends of friends. Because there's the common factor. Something you all enjoy.

Maybe I'll meet my man at the Star Wars convention next month.

Anyway, all the guys are over with. Samson and I are done done done after tonight.

I'm just going to enjoy the rest of Le Tour, hang out with my friends, and prepare to make the biggest change in my entire life.

Goodnight all. And to the cast and crew of ABB, thanks for making my July last year a very memorable one.