Dream > Desire

God. Family. Film.

These are the three most important aspects of my life.

My dream of my production company is achievable. Not only that, but it will happen. I'm driven to succeed. There will be no stopping me when I have my mind set on something. I know I'm supposed to be in the film industry; I've known it my entire life. I have always wanted to make movies, and my life is headed in the right direction for that.

When you are ready to dedicate your entire being to film, go for it. You need to really focus! Every part of you needs to focus on film and work. That's it. You have to decide if you are ready for that. Each show another lesson is learned. As long as you do learn from it, it's not a waste!

Now, I am ready. I've decided that I'm going to put aside my deepest desire of husband and children for my deep and unwavering passion and drive for film.

Film has been very important to me for years, but I haven't focused on it as much as I should have. I worried about relationships (or lack there of) more than I should have. Granted, I am only 24. Give youth a break. Now is the time for me to be serious. Now is the time for me to really dig into it and focus on that alone.

I'm ready to focus.

I'm ready.

What's my age again?

24.

There are so many things I want to write about, so they will probably all get jumbled together in this post. I will have a few separate comments on other posts, but this one is going to be a doozie.

Last week, as my birthday approached, I began thinking about time. Ten years ago, almost to the day, I was starting my first day of high school. I was so nervous the night before: worrying if I was going to get lost, worrying about making it to my classes on time, thinking about meeting new people, having no idea that I would spend a lot of time trying to figure out who I was. Even when I thought I knew, I've changed so much from that girl ten years ago. I can't help seeing the parallel though, my life has become so ratically different in the last year, standing on the precipice of a new start. Just like starting high school.
I'm dreading 25. For some reason, that seems to be an awful number. Thankfully, I will have Celebration VI to distract me from that awful date, but it's coming along anyway. At 25, I will have been friends with someone for 20 years. TWENTY YEARS! That is an awfully long time. Scares the crap out of me that I have known someone that long. It just blows my mind...

Getting back to turning twenty-four. I have not yet achieved what I thought I would have by now. Yes, my career is taking off, and I'm very happy. I'm happy with my friends. I'm happy with my life in general. I'm living the dream. The one thing that is missing is a serious boy friend. I know it's not really important to some, but when you reach 24 and you have NEVER been in a serious relationship (or one at all for that matter) you begin to think about what is wrong with you. I know there is nothing wrong with me; let's face it: I'm awesome. Beautiful, talented, sexy, smart, funny, passionate, dedicated, loyal... Really, why am I still on the market? Often I'm asked why I've never had a boyfriend, and I could never answer the question. I like people. I get along great with guys. I'm very different in the way my mind works, and that might be a factor. I can see and understand things that most people my age will not get for many years if at all. I view the world in a unique way.

I've decided just to be happy. That things will happen when they happen (I HATE when people tell me this). I'm the only person who decides my feelings.

You are the one who determines how much joy in your life; not your circumstances, not what happens to you, not another person.

This is what I posted in my Facebook a while back, and it's still true. Only you can make yourself happy. I've decided that I am going to be happy, and look on the bright side of life. I may not have what I always wanted, but I've still got it pretty good.