Being Lois Lane

I was originally humoring him when he asked who I was most like in the comic world. Why couldn't I be the Lois Lane to his Superman*. I can see being like her, although I don't know her character very well. I also see Lois a no-nonsense kind of girl. She know what she wants and goes for it, even if it leads her into a little bit of trouble. She always gets her story. Today, I'm like the reporter part of Lois Lane... I've stumbled across Superman's secret blog. Or maybe not so secret since I found the link on his Facebook page. I have been reading all day about him. I just read this story that made me sad. He has really gone through a lot, and I bet it would take him a long time to tell me in person. He wants to appear the Superman at all times. To be strong for others. I want to be his Lois Lane. To be able to be strong for him when he doesn't realize he needs it.

Contentment is underrated

This morning I woke up with this complete feeling of contentment. It has been a very long time since I have felt this.

A few weeks ago DSG and I DTR'ed, and the conclusion was to just be friends. If we had continued our relationship as it was going, we wouldn't have stayed friends after it broke apart. I know I haven't written much about it here, and I don't think that I ever will, but these last few months are not going to be ones I ever forget.

I find it amazing how over just the time period of a few months people can change so drastically. I am not who I was on my 25th birthday. I am so much stronger and mature and smart than I ever knew.

I started a new job, and I'm really loving it. I like my bosses, I like my bosses' bosses, I like my co-workeds and I love my job. I love working and I am so happy to be doing so. I have found myself to be so amazingly blessed. My new job comes with benefits. BENEFITS! I am a real grown up now.

Now that I have these, I am making new decisions for myself. I am looking into getting an IUD. It's much less expensive with health insurance and they are good for up to 12 years. I am extremely frightened of the process of getting it implanted, but I feel as if it is a good idea. I am thinking about maybe the possibility of having sex in the next few years. I don't know what could or would happen. I am just going day by day, living my life. It is better to be safe is something does happen, then to be freaking out about it. I want to take control into my own hands, and this is something I feel I need to do.

I'm also going to start studying for the GRE today. I want to go back to grad school and get my MBA in Entertainment Business. In order to get into a school, I first have to take the GRE. It's been six years since I've looked at math, and it all looks like Greek to me. However, I am confident that I will rock that test when I finally take it.

I am happy I have found this personal peace. It's been a long time coming, but it feels so good to be at this point, especially right now. I have so much to look forward to, and one day I will have someone to share all my joys with. It's just not today.

And I'm okay with that.

I wanted to write more about what I think of relationships now and how to handle them, but I need to think about it. It's going to be a long post, and it's getting late.

I do have to say that there are things I have to learn... well keep learning. I have to remember that when people don't feel well they aren't going to act the same way that they might if they were feeling well. Not only that, but being stressed and tired, and then feeling sick on top of that, doesn't make things any better. I know that I don't feel like myself when those things happen.

An addiction to texting tends to be a trend in my generation. Especially with us women who crave constant attention. I need to distance myself a little. DSG works early in the morning, so when I don't hear from him before I wake up, I get a little worried. Tomorrow I'm going to wait until I go to the gym or get back... or maybe when I know he's getting off work... I don't want him to think I don't care, but I don't want to push him away either.

I will need to explain things in greater detail, but I just want to let the world know that I am trying to be better.

Geeks at a Party

Celebration VI was amazing. I got to meet and get my picture with Luke Skywalker AND Princess Leia. Get jealous!

Went to a lot of panels, spent a lot of time on the floor, did a little shopping, and spent time with my family and friends. Had a fantastic time.

Saturday night, I went to the Darkside Grotto Party. Normally, what happens at Darkside Grotto stays at Darkside Grotto. Eff that, I'm going to tell you what happened. I wasn't going to go to the party. I didn't have any money to pay the cover, I didn't have money to pay for drinks. I had gotten up early in the morning to drive out to the con, and I had been there all day. I was tired, but I had missed enough parties and opportunities that weekend, I couldn't let another one go by. Plus, my family said: "YOU ARE GOING TO THIS PARTY!" So after the Carrie Fischer panel, I put some make up on in the bathroom, threw on a dress when I got in my car, and went over to the party. Thankfully my friend had paid for my ticket and got it way before anyone else got there. Thanks to her so much, because I might not have gotten in so quickly and things could have turned out differently.

When we arrived we joined some people my friend knew. Friends of friends of friends... all these geeks. It's amazing walking into a room and knowing automatically that you have something in common with EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room. You could find something to talk about with everyone. Most people don't get to experience this.

Got to the bar, and stood with the group. Across from some guys, and one in particular catches my eye. I look at him, notice he's looking at me, look to my friends to see if they are going to introduce us, they aren't, I look back to him and try to think of an opening line, and he goes and introduces himself. We spend the next few hours talking. As well as we can in the loud club with pole-dancing GoldenBikini!Leias dancing right behind our heads. We smile, we flirt, and then we dance... well... dancing turned to grinding turned to making out on the dance floor.

We have a great night. DSG* walks me out to the car and we exchange numbers, take pictures, and make plans to meet up the next day. We go to a panel the next day, kiss each other, and then say goodbye. I say "Please text me" and he says "You're not getting rid of me that easily." I smile and have a hard time watching him walk away... then we start texting the next morning and haven't stopped since.

Blasting out some posts!

I've got a few topics to post about, and I'm going to separate them out, but this is the first of... three?

Let's talk boyfriend. My very first boyfriend.... we've split. Well, I broke up with him and he's not over it yet. Things weren't going to work out for the long term. He wasn't going to meet my long term needs, but I've been wanting a boyfriend for a while and getting this experience. I tried for a while to keep it going. He just turned out to be way too immature for me and he didn't have a long term plan, and no drive for the future or any ambition. Once a week he would break up with me via text, but then it wouldn't be a real break up later. I got tired of being pulled on. I tried to make it work past the time I was done, but when he didn't get in contact with me for 48 hours (24 of which was MY BIRTHDAY!) I had to let him go. I broke up with him while I was at Celebration VI. I felt so much better afterward, and the next night, I met a new guy I clicked with right off the bat and haven't stopped talking with yet. That, however, is a story for another post tonight... in fact the next one :)

I'm glad I had that experience, but I'm even more glad it's over. At least on my end, he keeps messaging me on Facebook and liking my pictures and things. I told him that we won't be getting back together, but he says he doesn't care because he wants misses me and thinks he can win me back. He is being so clingy and I don't like me like that at all.

All in all, I'm over it and ready to move on to my next adventure.

Stomach full of anger

I can't even begin to describe what has transpired over the last few months... I really need to be better about writing stuff down. I need to keep a better journal, not that I would ever forget these experiences. Maybe I shouldn't write them down, some things are better off forgotten.

However, right now I have a stomach full of anger and a revenge that must eventually be satisfied.

Skipping past the show, and what an ass KB made of himself for the final time (we are really really over now) and the new Boyfriend - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! I will come back to this at a later point in time. Let's get on to the new bullshit about B.

It has been 8 months since what happened, happened. EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS. I'm over it, we should all be over it. I learned a hell of a lot about people, but more importantly, I've learned not to trust certain people.

I have no secrets. This is a fact. Obviously, I don't since I tend to post very intimate details about my life on this blog. There are always at least three people in the world who know every detail about me at all times. And all the bullshit that went down between B and me, you bet I told the people who really mattered what happened when it happened.

Coach, Jo and Lo were there for the whole story. They know every single fucking extricating detail gone over and over again.

I get a call from Coach, and it's three people talking. More to the point, it's B going over the details (from his point of view) of what happened eight months ago. He mixes his truths with all these fucking lies. Saying things about my friends that aren't true, saying things about me that aren't true. And more importantly, staying things he didn't say to make himself appear like the innocent party, the good guy at the heart of the story. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Can't you just let it go by now? How fucking long ago was that. Do you know how much I've gone through since then. Do you know how good things are now? Why the hell do you want to bring up old trash that is a fucking lie.

If there is one thing I hate most in the world. It's a lying son of a bitch.

I hate the C-word but if anyone deserves that adjective, it's him. And I would spit that word in his face.

Keep doing you.

I hate when my own advice comes back at me... but let me start from the beginning. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Whoa, OK. B is totally out of the picture. KB who? Let's start there. My job is going fantastically. I love what I do, my bosses love me, I have a great time. I enjoy going to work every day. I have certain responsibilities to take care of and I take care of my people. Now, what I always have to talk about: boy and/or men. Two single twenty-something males in the office. Both attractive. I was totally into Muscles* at first. Dark curly hair, muscles (of course) and into geeky things. We flirted for a bit, but then things changed and the editorial guy started :)

The last time I wrote about this guy was March 25, 2011. Whenever I think about him,I smile. It's just always going to be one of those things. I don't know if I wish things would have been different between us, long term. Maybe I should just hold on to what we had and be happy in the memory. It's just so hard seeing the he's at a wedding I could have been at, knowing I could have seen him again. Maybe wowed him a little more...

I'm just going to remember that March night (and morning) for a very long time and be happy with that.

New Job New Me

Things are going really well for me. I am the Office PA of a feature film in Miami again! Yay! In face, right now, I'm the ONLY Office PA which can be a little challenging. I have to go off and do runs and do everything else that needs to get done. At least we aren't shooting yet, so this isn't a big problem. I like my bosses, I like my position, and I love my job. What else do I really need right now? Things are looking really good for me. I am happy where I am.

My POC and APOC and PS really like me a lot. The POC said that she doesn't see me being a PA for much longer. She thinks I'm going to move up very quickly in the industry. This makes me very happy :) The APOC wants to train me to help me move up. I am so appreciative that these women want to help me. I am so grateful.

GOD IS ALWAYS PRESENT TENSE FAITHFUL!

As for guys: I've joined back with the online dating. More to meet friends than actually go on dates, but getting dates doesn't hurt either. I had one date on Saturday and it was... awkward. I'm going to give the guy another chance. And even if it doesn't work, it's a free meal and maybe a friend too. Been talking to this other guy, but I'm getting kind of frustrated because even if he just wants to be friends, he doesn't want to hang out. Which means he doesn't even want to be friends. I messaged this other guy, and he wants to be friends. Which is awesome. I need more friends now than I need to date anyone.

Now what you really want to know: What's going on with B and that guy from the movie during the summer (and since I never named him... let's just go with KB*).

Well...Who do we want to talk about first? Let's talk about KB. Random texts during the holidays. Hey. What's up. How are you. I haven't even started my screenplay yet. That kind of jazz. Then I find out he's going to be in town and we're going to catch up because I'm back in South Florida. Then yesterday he texts me that he's coming into the office tomorrow for an interview with locations. Super. OF COURSE I put on extra make up this morning and actually took time to straighten my hair only because I didn't want to wake up the extra 30 minutes it would have taken to curl the ends of my hair. And my lips are smeared with gloss right now. Sticky. The probably is I don't know exactly what time he's going to walk in. I want to see him again because we're friends and I would like to work and write with him. I don't necessarily want him right now relationship-wise, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to exploring options now or at a later date... Basically right now I want him to want me. That does sound awful doesn't it? AHHH!!! KB is here right now! I should see what he's up to for dinner... I'll ask when he comes back around.

And B. He had his 30th birthday this weekend. Which, in my opinion, is probably bad enough on it's own, what sucks even more is that he's also unemployed. He's really bummed out, and he's lost it more than usual. He had a hard time keeping his mind focused. last night when we were on the phone. Maybe let's back up a little on this. Let's see probably the last thing I said about him was that EFF HIM I HATE HIM I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HIM right? Oh, and then I saw him at Christmas and everything was good. Talked to him a little after that. We're back to being friends. I finally got the wedding photos from LoJo and decided I was going to send them to B since he was in the wedding too. Then I thought up sending him some mixed CDs for his birthday. I made this really kick-ass case for them too. They are pretty neat. Sent those, a birthday card, and the jump drive of pictures to B this week. He opened them yesterday and I got a phone call. He's been pretty down. Lost his job. Maybe can't make rent in the next month or so, worried about that. He asked me about what I think of coming to LA since I was there last month, I told him that I want to, but there are no jobs so I'm not going to risk it. Why feed California if I'm working in a different state. Doesn't make sense. Even if it is "the dream" it's not reality able. Plus, all my contacts out there told me not to come to LA right now since there are no jobs. All of them are actually working in Louisiana for the next few months. Then I told him that I had been on a date and had another one coming up this week. He said he was excited for me... I feel bad for him because he doesn't know how to get it together. He's so lost right now, but there't nothing anyone but B can do about it.

Ok so I have this self-proclaim Coach* who helps me with my dating adventures, right. And he has these rules: come hungry when you're going to drink, build boxes of emotional protection, forgot the third one, and... I don't remember the fourth for now. It's on my iPad at home. Okay so Coach called B the week before last and pretty much asked B if he'd do a long distance thing with me. To which B replied he didn't know. Which is okay with me. I'm not going to say what I think it means, but it doesn't really matter. He doesn't have time to focus on anyone other than himself. Not a big deal. I can't give him what he wants and he can't give me what I want, so there's no point.

Anyway, Coach is the linchpin in the cosmic joke. He likes to instigate things. We'll see how this goes.

California Bound

I got what I wanted, out of town for a little bit. I'm in LA, but I just want to go home. Which is silly, because I am staying with a friend I haven't seen in almost two years. It's good to catch up. I also have a lot of friends who want to see me, so that's good. The only bad thing is the interview I thought I was going to have, isn't going to happen. Something happened with the guy I was going to talk to, and yeah. But at least I'll get my resume out there and people who know me will have me fresh in their minds to recommend me. I just need to start working again. My life is kind of stand still and I really miss having something to do. So much so I am seriously considering going back to school.

I think it might be the lack of sleep talking, but all I want to do is curl up on the chair at the apartment, watch hulu and cry.

Welcome 2012

I've decided not to make resolutions for this year, I never keep them.

All I'm going to do this year is focus on me. What else can I do? I can't control anything other than myself, so there's no point in worrying about it.

If you come across something you can't defeat, why worry? If you come across something you can defeat, why worry?

I'm stir-crazy. I need to get out of here.