I want to tell you I miss you like whoa.

I can't wait until Sunday :D

I'm gonna come out and say this... I'm a little crazy

B and I are fine. I'm just... crazy. I'm a crazy girl. Which is not something guys want to hear... as B likes to tease me. We'll see what happens. My VS final shipment came in, so I'll have something super sexy to wear. I've got it all planned out. And a set for December when I see him... whether that's in LA or here, who knows. I'm just glad I get to see him in 3.5 days! We got to talk last night, which was awesome. I need to stop missing him so much or I'll be in real trouble.

My future sissy and I (oh, yeah, my brother was there too) went and saw Breaking Dawn last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I will not admit to seeing that film to B unless he specifically asks me. I've learned my lesson about boys and Twilight a long time ago. Okay well really anyone else and Twilight. Ha.

There is so much to do before Sunday. Prep work and getting my studio back in order. Not to mention game day is Friday. Who thought that was a good idea??? Not me! I think the stands are going to be pretty empty because a lot of students and people will be traveling back from Thanksgiving break and such.

B flies East today sometime. He said he would text me about his flight. We'll see. Although, it's only 7:30am there right now, so he probably hasn't left yet. I hope he at least texts me when he lands so I know he got here safely.

I think I care too much.

Running train of thought...

Oh B and I are on Facebook at the same time. I can actually live chat with him. Maybe he left his phone on the other side of the house like last week and that's why he hasn't responded to my text about how happy I am for him.

He's driving me crazy! Why doesn't he respond. Doesn't he know that I like to get text messages. I NEED to know that someone is thinking about me. I mean, I know I've distracted him... we've TALKED about this. but DAMMIT why doesn't he get it.

That's right, he hasn't read my script yet. Because if he had actually read it, he would get that I go crazy every day that he doesn't say something....

You were just online. WHY ARE YOU SIGNING OFF!!! DAMMIT!

Okay... I'm officially crazy now. I'm going to have a drink with my future sister-in-law...

I can't hope too much

B got offered an awesome job today. He seems really excited about it. I hope it's long term because that's one less thing standing between us. You know, guys are worried about being stable enough for a relationship. At least, this is what B and I have discussed.

I want to bring this up to him. Ask him about long term. I've been thinking about admitting to him that what I want isn't going to change. I know I said I was okay waiting for our timing to be right, for him to get a long term job and to get over the loss of his ex/best friend. I get break-ups are hard, even when you're the one doing the breaking. I get it. I told him I wasn't going to ask for a commitment. But DAMMIT I still want that! I'm never going to change until I get what I want. Even though I said that I wasn't going to date or get involved this year, I lied. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. I always have. I am going to be focusing more on my career, I promise! I have been. I've been so focused on it. I'm convinced more than ever that this is what I want. But I want a family too.

I want to get married. I am so ready to be married. All my friends are getting married and having kids. When will it be my turn? When will it be my turn to have a boyfriend, even? When will it be my turn???? This is not fair, but then who said life was fair. SHUT UP i'm tired of hearing that. It isn't fair, but it should be. I am a caring, passionate, "sexy as hell" woman. Where is my boyfriend?

I hate that B and I live so far apart. I'm going to travel as much as I can, and apply for jobs on the West Coast, and hopefully that will help things. I can do long distance, as long as I know I have someone to depend on at the end of the day. B is a good guy and won't lead me on.

One week until I see him again. I will do my best not to be disappointed if I don't get to spend as much time as I would like. If I could spend even an hour, i would be happy. I would just have to get all my questions and worries out, because he knows when I don't. How cute is that?

OK, I lied.

Let's start chronologically so we don't get too confused, but in reality it all combines together...

Previously I said I wasn't going to date, and I haven't... not really.

I'm home, finally. I've finished my time in Miami and I am so happy to be home. I came back just in time to be in my friends' wedding. I got back Thursday night in time for the rehearsal dinner on Friday, October 28th. That's where I met Mr. B* (aka B).

I had called "dibs" on him MONTHS before when I had been asked to be a bridesmaid. But I didn't really count that until I had actually met him, post all that stuff that happened this summer. I was excited I was going to be walking down the aisle with him (until that changed a few weeks before the wedding) and that he was the best looking groomsman. I didn't actually know too much about B... other than he was a good guy and had known Jo* (of the couple Jo-Lo*) for a long time. They had been best friends in high school.

When the rehearsal dinner happened, I finally got to meet B. He was standing in the foyer at Jo's dad's house talking to Lo* and the maid of honor (MOH). I introduced myself and he reached out to shake my hand, but I said I was a huggy person. I felt completely comfortable with him right from the start, and to find out later, he did too. Needless to say, we hit it off. He is hilarious, and kind and TALL. He was a great best man and very thoughtful. So we met that Friday night, and didn't really spend too much time alone, but we got to know each other a little bit.

Saturday us girls went off and did our own thing. That night was a Halloween party at B's aunt's house he invited us to the night before. We said we might go, and all during the day Lo wasn't feeling up to it. Of course, later that night she was missing Jo, so we went to the party. That's when I really realized HOW much taller than me B is... almost a whole foot! I was wearing flats instead of the 4 inch heels from the night before. It was a bit comical. It was me, Lo, MOH, Jo and B at the party. We hung out at the party for an hour or so, and then we were going back to the house to watch Bridesmaids and sleep... we invited the guys to come over and watch the movie. Jo and B rode in one car and us in the other. Jo had changed his mind but B still came over to the house. He sat next to me on the couch and even played around like he was doing his nails too. We flirted a little, and I placed my legs on top of his and my toes under his legs when they got cold. At the end of the night, I walked him out the door... and it was like that awkward moment at the end of a date. To kiss or not to kiss... how can I read the other person? We had a very good hug and said we would see each other the next day at the wedding.

Wedding day! If you've ever had a wedding, or been in one, you know al the drama that comes along with it. We dealt with all that. I won't go into how I wanted to rip MOH apart... that's another story that's not really worth telling, because at the end of the day I'm the adult who came out on top. After the ceremony, we were taking photos, and he confided in me something not too important, but it was seeing that he could, if I would be a good listener. I was touched that he chose to talk to me.

Later at the reception we sat next to each other at the head table. He asked me to dance. I helped him so he could finish some things for his best man's speech. I cheered the loudest after the speech. We danced some more... and then at the end of the night we went to hang out at a friend's house...

Let's fast-forward here because I'm not going to get into details beyond this about that. Let's just say my new car has a spacious back seat and we were very close to being caught in the house making out

I also get to see him the next night, he comes over to my house and we make use of my studio. The next day he flies back to Los Angeles.

Yes, that's right - 3000 miles and 3 time zone differences make things difficult. We are into each other, but right now we are both focusing on our careers. But we talked every day for the first week or so... then we started working on separate time schedules. I text him in the morning before work, and he calls on his days off. Wednesday morning was the first time I have spoken with him in over a week. I've missed him so much, which is probably why we talked for two hours!

He's coming back Thanksgiving weekend because his family lives here. He'll be here for less than 48 hours. At least this time I won't be working at all and I can spend time that he's available with him. I want to spend the night together so we can have some extended one on one time together, but I don't think that's going to happen. I would have to rent a room at a hotel, and I don't know if he would go for that because he only has so much time with his family and they are more important than i am. I'm just the girl he met less than a week ago...

When I told him about the V clause, he seemed okay with it. And we talked about it on Wednesday a little bit. He's only said that he respects my choice, and he has never pushed me or even asked me to give it up. The only thing closest to it is asking if I was definitely going to wait until marriage after asking me how I would want to lose it accompanied with my description. When he calls tonight after work, I'm going to ask him again if he is okay with waiting until I'm ready if this thing between us goes long term. It's okay if he says "no" because that's what most guys say. I'm hoping he doesn't say that, because I would like to keep him around. If he did say "no", I would let me be attached the rest of this year, but would put him in the friend category after that. Which is a bummer because he's been really amazing about it all. I think because he's older and more mature... those years make a difference. I would miss this very much if that were the case. I would miss him. Again, it would be "look what you could have had, but you can't keep it" scenario all over again. Such is my life...

Oh, Mr. B, please don't say "no".