Am I Wonder Woman or Lois Lane?

Everything falls in on me at once...

I effed something up at work. Things are getting better, but they're not as good as they have been. It seems now that I can't do anything right. I try my hardest, but there's still something I'm missing. I'm just going to keep trying and hope that it gets better.

My brother was supposed to be getting married this weekend. He's moved into a new place and seems to be doing okay. I think I'm going to try to play video games with him this weekend via the internet. Hopefully he'll be up for it. I've told Coach to take my brother out this weekend so that he can get over things.

Now... Let's talk Superman.

This post has been a long time coming. Things were great between us at Christmastime. We had gone on a few dates, were talking all day every day. Getting messages that say: I am amazed by you and think you are so absolute[ly] right for me.

I come back right after New Year and things go to hell in a hand basket. I see him on Saturday, January 5th. We had a fantastic day. Everything was great. He told me he had a bad episode over Christmas (which I knew because he disappeared on me for 5 days) and that he wanted to go to a 90/120 day treatment facility to help him manage his bipolar a little better. I was super supportive. The next few days (I didn't go back to work until Tuesday), I said I'd come see him. He said he was trying to figure out his insurance thing, yadda yadda yadda... anyway, he was having trouble. Monday I message him in the morning, like usual. He didn't want to see me, but he didn't seem worse than normal. A few hours later, I see a tweet about "going to God." I flipped out. Crying hysterically, not knowing what to do... It was so scary.

About a week ago I found out what happened: some kind of dark turn happened - he doesn't even know the trigger - and he tried to hurt himself. Ended up in the mental ward for three weeks. His friends wouldn't tell me anything, so I had no idea what was going on. I found out after the first week that he was getting better and in a safe place. That's all I cared about knowing. He emailed me a few times the week after he got out of the ward. He's in a new town and has a new job. He seems to be doing well. We aren't talking as much, but we are playing words with friends and I'm instant messaging him every once in a while.

I really hope I get to see him before I got back to Orlando for good. I've been extremely patient, waiting to hear something. Hoping every day to hear something good. To hear that he's okay.

I still like him, a lot. There are a lot of good qualities about him. I know it's probably not the wisest decision to have made, to want to be with someone who isn't the best for you.

I care about him. He knows it. And I want to see him soon. I miss him very much.