I don't know how to do this

A little bit of background on my "love life": I haven't dated anyone over an extended period of time since I was 18, and that was only for one month. Over the last four years, I have gone on a few dates - if you can call them that - very sporadically. I've been attracted to some guys over that time, but nothing ever worked out. This is all a lengthy and complicated story that would take too long to tell. But I am going to play a little catch up of my summer (if you want to read more, check out my glorious summer of promise blog) and the first man I have really liked in a long time. I first saw Samson* on June 17th at a production meeting. I knew immediately there was something about him even though we were never closer than 30 feet. A month later we really started filming and it wasn't until the second or third week in that I really got the chance to get to know him. To make a long story short, I had this huge internal drama trying to figure out if he liked me too and in the end it turned out that he did. The day after we both went to different states, him back to where he lived and me to a convention on the west coast. I'm sure I'll expand more on this at another time, but let's touch on a different issue.

I don't know how to like someone as an adult. I don't know how to like a man. I don't know how to like a man who lives in a different state. I don't know how to like a man who lives in a different state and just got out of a serious relationship.

I'm trying to stay realistic. I'm trying not to hope too much, but it's difficult. I haven't ever really liked someone like this. I haven't liked anyone in a very long time - not seriously. I've had my crushes, but those have been mostly physical. Not like this. There is just something about him that draws me in. I can't explain it. It's just his being. I hate that I know there is someone out there like this, that I am so drawn to and I just can't be with him. That I can't talk to him often. That he's always working. That I won't see him for six months. I don't know how to act. I don't know how to reel myself back in.

This is something that has potential to be something great, the timing is just off. Maybe I just need to trust that things are working how they are meant to work out. Maybe I just need to let go and let live. I don't want what I hope to happen to affect my life. I'm going to be realistic and just live my life day to day. I'm going to better myself without changing who am I in my core. I have a goal now and a reason that makes more sense. Maybe now I will be able to stick to things better.

This summer has been unbelievable. Things have happened that I wouldn't have imagined. And now it's over and those amazing things are not here, but they have changed the way I look at life. I'm just confused over how to be an adult. How is one supposed to act? How is one supposed to feel? This is very new to me, and I don't want to mess it up because I'm still so young.