What I think they want is not always right

Last night I texted Charlie about what he's doing Saturday night - after the thoughtful conclusions from my friends. I said he was going with me to see "Kick Ass" and then we would go out for drinks and then we might head back to his place. He said he didn't know about the whole staying there thing. He said he didn't want a repeat of what happened last time.

At this point I start to freak out mentally. What if he takes a million steps back like David did and just disappear? I don't want that to happen, especially because I really like Charlie. I was trying to figure out which part of the other night was the problem. It's because I'm a virgin and things got a little awkward. I responded:

They did. But you also have to realize that was the first time any guy has seen me in any state of undress. I can be more open if you just allow me the chance to try to not be so nervous. We can talk about this if you want. Are you saying you wouldn't want to do that again with me?

He seemed cool about going out just the two of us earlier on Saturday. Which I'm really excited about because it seems like all our other hang out time is always with Roxie and we're never really alone.

I was a little forward in my text. I fall into the same media trap as everyone else my age, that sex is the driving force of a relationship, but I know that's not true. Actually, maybe more that sex is what will keep guys around. And I'm a lustful creature. I know this is a problem with me. I go too hard too fast and it is not good.

I am all theoretical and fantastical, no practical applications. I'm so new to learning all this. None of this was a thought in my mind even 10 months ago. And the last month has been a whirlwind of experiences. A totally new surrounding than I have ever been in my life. New people, new places... Different feelings.

He said we'll talk about it.

And I really want to, especially in person. I want to be able to read his face. I'm much better with body language and audible tones face to face than over the phone.

I don't want to come of as a slut. And I don't think of him as a man-whore. But I am not used to someone finding me desirable in the least, and when I do I want to latch on and hold on for dear life. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, with so much passion and kindness to offer someone. But I have so much to learn.

And I miss my old best friend. She would know what to say.